Raising atheist kids?

Building up to a rant for a while now... partly brought on by this rather unpleasant comment to a post of mine. (Someone has issues...)

It was a conversation I had about my children growing up. What they might become and that I will be proud of what they will achieve. Also if they happen to follow a faith, it would be their choice.
But it was the comment (well intentioned) of 'that's good' about referring to faith that has been bugging me.

Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't it a christian DUTY to raise your kids as christians? Certainly all the marriages and baptisms I've been to have STRONGLY suggested it.

So it's OK for christians to educate/impose/indoctrinate beliefs but when an atheist puts forward their opinions...

I was lucky enough to have been brought up in UK which is mostly agnostic or apathetic towards religion. And I was not influenced by my parents to what I should believe. I became an agnostic while in a church primary school and an atheist by the time I was in my teens. I came to my own decision after a lot of introspection. In my twenties I considered some form of spirituality but after observing and talking to a range of people I realised that you don't have to have a 'faith' to be good.

I don't think I can bring myself to go as far as Richard Dawkins and claim that religious upbringing is a form of 'child abuse'. Parents have a right to bring up children by their moral standards and I have no right to criticise. I think I am doing my best; they honestly think they are doing theirs.

However. I will teach my children to think critically. I will encourage them to question why. I would expect them to find out things for themselves and think seriously about why someone else might want you to believe what they believe.
I will encourage them to give people a chance. To try not to judge others on first impressions. Always try to end an argument; never to start one. Bare in mind the consequences of your actions. And try to do what you feel is right.

It's a big task. And I suspect I will make many mistakes. What I will NOT do is bring up children on the morality of a flawed 'holy' book full of contradictions, mythology and patronising devotion to a personification of ancient mankind's ignorance. My children deserve better than that.

Rant over. ;-)

I'm a happy atheist! So why don't people believe me?!? Aarrggh!!!

I posted this on the Heaving Dead Cats blog and I thought it deserved a post on mine too. One of the accusations I have had made at me, several times of the years, is that I cannot be a happier person than someone who has discovered their imaginary friend. (Or has a 'relationship' with imaginary friend, or discovered the 'truth', or 'opened my eyes', or had an 'experience'... blah, blah...)

"Being an atheist has made me a happier person. I adore the wonder of nature, the chaos of life, the randomness of quantum physics, the vastness of the universe, the possibility of ‘god particles’, the possibility of extraterrestrial life, seeing true altruism in strangers, learning about different cultures, art, music and love.
I love being free to enjoy, appreciate and have these experiences without having to worry about offending any non-existent creatures. Sheeple (I love that term!) only demean themselves by having to attribute their ignorance to ‘god’."

Seriously, how could I be happier? (OK, Arsenal in the Champions League final, grrr....) I have a great family, fantastic job, my health, kind friends and a sparkling wit only matched by my innate charm and wisdom. If unfortunate things happen, I don't whine, blame, pray, sue, beg etc... and I certainly don't (in a weakened state) seek an imaginary friend. If you are an optimist, you don't need false hope!

We do NOT have a 'god shaped' hole in our hearts. That's just another bl***y stupid metaphor created to convince the weak minded. (Create a problem and sell the only 'cure' ) Having a 'god' in my life would mean I would have a new 'priority' - above my family, above my ambitions, dreams and humanity. And if you are the sort of person willing to do that for some perceived reward in one of the many afterlifes on offer, then well done. Just don't expect me to be impressed.

I am happy. And if you can't understand that, then I truly pity you.
(Rant over) ;-)

Persuasion with violence (cont...)

I thought I'd make this a post rather than it getting lost in the depths of comments... :-)

The idea is a 'Hell' is possibly one of the reasons I do not believe in mythology over reason. Funny, when you consider it was such an effective technique in medieval times!

An 'all loving' god that has the capacity to create such a dreadful place? Now there's your problem.

Fortunately, I don't believe in 'Hell'. Unfortunately, theists do. And it's the theists that actually want me to go to Hell scare me.
Let's think about it... there are things in the world that I would not wish on my worst enemies. There are things that I would not wish on ANYBODY.

But there ARE theists who wish the obscene, violent, suffering of Hell on me for ever! At the very least, they think I will go there and they don't have a problem with it! That is just sick. And I really pity them. To be so twisted by what they believe to be right, they can see no wrong in any of their actions.

Ladies and gentlemen, a fine example of religious morality! (sigh) And this in a world where people are outraged about conditions in prisons! Where liberals campaign about suspected terrorists tortured in Guantanamo Bay to keep our countries 'safe'. But when it's religion... oh of course - burn the heathens and followers of false (depending on where you live) religions. Make them SUFFER!!!

But, to keep a sense of balance...
I have had conversations with (much nicer) christians who believe that 'Hell' is merely the absence of a god. And because I would never be embraced by his love, it would be 'hell' in comparison.
This is a considerably more pleasant approach than the 'fire and brimstone' bollocks I so often hear. But I do argue that the bible does make it quite clear about what will happen to the likes of me. It all depends on what percentage of the bible you consider an analogy, I guess. ;-)

Personally, and I say this as a parent of three very well behaved children and as a teacher, threats do not convince people to behave. Only by setting a good example, treating people fairly and with respect, will you have any chance of getting a message across.

Godless society?

Phew! Reports written, Ofsted visit over and revision for my class begins...
I've also got to write a 2000 word story, create a script for a short film and (as I promised myself) keep this blog up to date!

Enough of my whining... ;-)

So, two weeks ago, I had the unfortunate chance to meet up with the real life equivalent of the 'Shameless' family. (Non UK: Shameless is a British TV program). I try not to be a snob, but when you get a group of foul-mouthed, obese scumbags take over a train carriage (age range 2 to 50) a little bit of liberal sympathy shrivels away.

The cast:
Aggressive 'father' whose advice consists of monosyllabic demands.
Loud mother who clearly takes pride in the amount of gold items she can pin, drape over, pierce, hang over her tracksuit.
Another pair of adults who behave as badly as the kids.
Three teenage daughters (clones of the mother), one of them pregnant (stereotypical) each with their own kids running rampant.
And the kids who have no responsibility; care about the other passengers; wilfully damage property and show no respect to their 'parents'.

You know that if you only look at them, you will get a torrent of abuse because you have clearly shown them some disrespect. They think the world owes them, they blame anyone else for their situation and that they have the right to do what they want.

It's wrong.

People shouldn't be like this. That entire family had no self respect so why should I expect them to be able to show respect to anyone else?

So what is the solution? Well I hear an awful lot about this being a result of a 'godless society' and, I suppose, if you like simple answers to BIG questions then clearly this seems obvious. (You probably think the world was created in six days, evolution is a myth and you truly believe in mythology...)

The idea of this all being attributed to atheism is laughable but all too common. Granted, the word 'atheism' is hardly mentioned but 'godless' is. Religion will not solve this problem. It had its chance and we are still facing the repercussions of its mistakes centuries later.

What religion does offer is a way to ‘avoid responsibility’. (This may take some explaining) You can claim an event in your life (good or bad) is ‘god’s will’ or that god wants you to do a certain thing. See? It’s already out of your hands. ;-)
It would be claimed that religion provides a role model when all it is doing is claiming credit for the deeds of kind-hearted people!
And of course, the marvellous lie that religion provides a ‘moral compass’. Utter, utter, BS!

It’s the ‘moral compass’ that makes me so furious. I’m not a violent person but I really want to punch someone when I hear that from a smug, self-satisfied, ignorant, moron.



The answer? I wish I had it but I truly believe that education, positive role models and the end of our exploitive, sensationalist media would make a huge difference to people’s ways of thinking.

It is one of my core reasons for being a teacher. I want to offer stability, for at least a few hours, in a child’s life. I want to provide the academic and social skills that will help them. I want to give them the best chance in life.

I’m not saying I’m a better person: I’m just a nice person hoping to make a difference.

Explaining death to atheist kids.

I would have to say that my boys are probably agnostics. (Let's get that out of the way.)
But are they missing out on a vital part of growing up? Are they more 'evil' than they should be? Am I doing them a disservice by not getting them baptised 'on the chance there might be a god' and more importantly (in some minds) am I deliberately denying them a place in an afterlife?

Fact: My boys are fantastic. They are all extremely caring individuals. They share with each other and with their friends. They are polite and very respectful to other people even when they have not been appreciated for being so. They are quite altruistic and never expect a reward for being so. I am very proud of them all. Quite simply, if there are any gods out there who still think they deserve to go to a place of eternal damnation, then grow up.

My middle son has started to worry about what happens after you die and I think that we have given a balanced viewpoint. We have told him what some people believe: afterlives, reincarnation and let him think about that. What I say is that you remember people, and your life is changed by knowing them. They will have affected you in a variety of ways - some inspirational, some as a warning, some of them will be key factors in how you interact with the world around you.

When my father passed away, he had a humanist service. My boys all drew pictures to put on the coffin of happy things they remembered. As they have grown, I tell them about things my father did. They like sport for instance, which when my father was a younger, fitter man, loved to take part in. (It's in the blood, I tell them; although it seemed to skip a generation with me...)

And that is where a kind of real immortality emerges. My father lives on through my deeds and actions. I learned a lot about being a father from... my father. When I look at my boys, I hope that I will provide inspiration that will last for generations.

No mysticism, no religious 'comfort blanket', no wishful thinking, no lies...

I have told them the truth and I believe it to be a happy one. :-)

Things I'm accused of... (Part 4 - Parenting)

That my children will go to hell. Brilliant. And laughable. Perhaps you are concerned that I am blatantly playing dice with my children's souls and I would honestly have to say thank you. (Again this surprises people but I do appreciate your concern. It shows you care - and that you might, one day hopefully soon, make a good humanist.)

My children have not been baptised because I AM NOT GOING TO CHOOSE THEIR RELIGION FOR THEM. Face the facts. Children are born atheists. They learn about religion purely by chance of where they were born. There are too many religions all claiming that they are the TRUTH(tm) and as a parent, I am quite worried that I would choose the wrong version of events and condemn them to eternal torment / limbo / destruction / reincarnation / not getting picked for the rapture and other such entertaining ideas. (Delete as appropiate)

That I will raise my children as atheists. Ahem. Just because YOU may choose to indoctrinate / teach / brainwash / scare / encourage (again delete as...) YOUR religion, I take the path that my children should choose for themselves. My children have a natural curiousity about the world and ask questions. I give balanced answers but NEVER tell them that one opinion is better than the other. My children occasionally attend church services (Easter, Christmas, Remembrance Day...) and I don't have a problem with that. As a family, we have visited some of the most amazing temples in Asia and Africa and show the relevant respect for their customs.

Most important thing for me: my children will have an informed choice. They are already kind hearted, polite, sharing children with a concern about green issues. (And they haven't even heard of the term 'humanism').